Reality Bites

There isn't enough distraction to keep my introspection at bay for long. I can watch 5 hours of Grey's Anatomy, go out for sushi with my husband and my father, chill at bars, bridal showers, parties with my old House... but when I sit here at my desk with a saw of some kind whirring incessantly behind me and the rain pattering on the skylight, I can't stop myself from thinking.

I've always loved watching TV, but I don't think I've ever used it to distract myself from reality before. As a child I used it as an excuse to stay up later, as all kids do. In high school I used it to procrastinate, as all teenagers do. In college, it contributed to my sleep deprivation, as is the case for most college students. As an adult, I use it to distract myself from my frustrating occupation and pacify my growing discontent. As most adults do, perhaps?

Unhappiness keeps me from doing the things that make me happy. What a defeating cycle.

I'm not entirely unhappy. I've had a lot of great days, and I'm constantly thankful for Mr. Fuji and his amazingness. I spend 11 hours, 5 days a week, unhappy. But I am hopeful. I don't think I should publicly broadcast why just yet (since I can't remember if this blog is private or not). I may just be posting about it soon. I hope.